BUT, so much now depends on Ellen's progress or decline at Joan's house. She's being move there tomorrow from the hospital here. She was asleep when I saw her today, and Thomas said she's not very responsive at this point (later in the afternoon) but I hope she'll have some alert times as she gets there and is able to realize that she's with Joan and Buddy. This is a hard thing...to have another death in the family, although she's not dead yet. But, since the doctors have indicated there's only a few months remaining, based upon her cancer diagnosis, it's hard to know what to think. She was asleep when I saw her earlier. Will this be the status of her awareness for the time she has remaining? She's on a morphine drip and I don't know what other possible pain meds. The end of life remains a mystery to me. I've seen it more closely, now over several deaths, than I ever wanted to or though I would. I know no more now than I did earlier to help me reconcile the process, except more about the details of death.
Thomas often askes me what image of "death and dying" I'm currently weaving. I guess that he's nailed my "theme" since most of my works over the last few years have been based upon my response to death and dying. In fact, the 1990s pieces with crows in them were those sorts of images. And, while my Mother was in her process of dying, and using the oxygen tanks, I wanted to design a piece that was of a portable oxygen tank. The shiny green of the tank, sitting by her chair in her house, which we no longer own, is still with me. I've not worked on that image more, though...or any based on the drawings I made of her in the hospital as she was, indeed, dying...although we didn't know that at the time. They are too raw for me to look at very often.